The Light Found Me

I was baptized at 17 years old, on May 19th, 2012.

All right guys! This is my final blog to my conversion story! Thanks for all those who have followed along :) You all are awesome!

I had just moved in with my aunt's best friend who happened to be LDS, so the mormon missionaries would occasionally stop by to see how the family was doing.

I, once again, thought I had escaped from such darkness. But my aunt was still around and would come over all the time and remind me of how worthless I was. So, it felt like I never left, since she was still trying to tear me down.

I started to get angry, and more depressed than I have ever been. I finally stood up for myself, but the negativity was still there to haunt me. I thought for sure since I've tried and tried to escape from all the evil that it was never going to end. Because of my sadness/anger I started to think more about ending my life for good this time.

So when these two guys in suits and with a blue book in their hand knocked on our door, they were welcomed in of course. I was sitting on the couch trying SO HARD to avoid eye contact hoping these guys wouldn't talk to me. But without a question the elders talked to me and invited me to church with the family that following Sunday. I said politely "Sure, I'll go"-- assuming that we wouldn't end up going.

To my surprise, I was awakened that Sunday for church. I did not want to go. I thought if there were a God then he didn't pay attention to me since my life has sucked! I've never even considered ever believing in God since I didn't really grow up with religion.

I showed up in a T-shirt and blue jeans, not knowing that everyone normally dresses up for church, so I stood out even more. It was "fast and testimony meeting"which means people in the congregation were welcome to go up to the pulpit and share their thoughts and impressions of what they believed. I remember sitting there thinking that everything was so weird, and hating the hymns we were singing because I thought they were so boring (I love them now). I noticed there was a theme to everyone's testimonies. Almost everyone that Sunday shared about Gods love for them and for the rest of us. I felt so good, and my heart kept pounding as I was listening. I was so confused by what I was feeling. After the hour, almost everyone went up to me introducing themselves and welcoming me. I was blown away by how everyone noticed me and wanted to get to know me. The last two hours I kept feeling that "weird" heart pounding/ uncertainty of what I was even feeling! I loved every minute of those three hours.

Several members got my phone number to have me over for dinner and drive me to youth activities and church every week. For the very first time in my life I felt loved by people. The love and light that the members had shown made me want to keep coming back. They all did so much good taking me in and making me feel love from them and from God. I could tell there was something different with those people. They seemed so happy, and they all had so much light to them. Because of their light and example it led to me taking the lessons from the elders.

I loved meeting with the Elders. They were perfect for me. I was very skeptical for a little while with all they were teaching me. Mainly because I didn't want to believe in God, and I'd never prayed before. Everything that they taught they would ask me to pray about and see for myself if it were true. It felt so weird to pray because I thought I was talking to myself instead of God.

Months went by and the elders invited me to be baptized a few times and each time I told them I wasn't ready. For some reason I was too scared to pray, and I was so angry with how my life was. One day the elders centered their lesson on Gods love and committed me to pray and ask God if He was real, and if He loved me. Then, after that, I needed to read Ether 12 in the Book of Mormon. I pinky- promised the elders that I would (I never break pinky- promises).

That night, I said my very first out loud prayer and asked God if he were real..I waited a little, and my heart started to pound, and I got the chills. I started to cry, then I asked if he loved me. My heart started to pound even more, and it was like I heard a voice in my head that said, "I love you, and I am proud of you". By that point I was bawling, and I just sat there and pondered. I then asked if I should be baptized, and the clearest answer came to me-- "Yes, you will find the happiness you've always wanted". I was filled with so much joy and excitement by this point. I read Ether 12 and felt even more love and excitement. That chapter is all about faith and how our Savior Jesus Christ can strengthen our weaknesses. I have never felt so sure about anything in my life. I was ready!

I called the Elders and told them I wanted to be baptized and asked when was the soonest I could. That following weekend, I did it! A new beginning, I felt so clean! That was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I truly did find the happiness I've always wanted. Ever since, I have never felt alone, and when life got hard, I had hope and faith through everything and knew I'd be okay.

We have a loving Heavenly Father who cares about each of us and wants to hear from us. Because of our Savior Jesus Christ, we are able to be baptized and cleansed from all our sins. He knows how we feel with anything we will ever go through. We can feel that love not only through prayer, but-- I promise you-- as you read The Book of Mormon, you will also feel that love and assurance that we are never alone, like I did.

The Gospel has changed my life and has been my strength. It honestly saved my life. My life got even more difficult the first year after getting baptized, but I know that I probably wouldn't be here today if I didn't have the Gospel. It truly strengthened me and helped me to keep going.

Things didn't work out with that family I lived with due to my aunt. I was almost 18, so I decided to not go back to my aunt and lived with friends. From then on, I FINALLY did escape! My aunt and all the negativity from my family was out of my life.

I still keep in contact with my elders. I will forever be so grateful for them, and missionary work. Because the Gospel has been such a blessing in my life, I myself decided to serve an LDS mission. I dedicated 18 months to serve God, and the wonderful people of Iowa. It was hard to decide to go on a mission. But that's a whole different story, so I plan on writing about how I decided to go on a mission in my next week's blog. So, stay tuned next week if you'd like to hear about my mission :)

Here's a picture of the two elders who found and taught me. <3

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Anjellica