Love Yourself

Hey guys! This week I felt impressed to write about my weakness. I don't like to admit it, and this has been something I have struggled with my whole life. This is also a very common weakness that most girls struggle with.

I am very insecure.

For many years I hated myself, inside and out. Because of how I grew up being told I was ugly, worthless, and never good enough; That engraved in my brain to the point that I never think good of myself. I doubt my ability to be good at anything. I never look in the mirror and think "wow, you look good today." I look in the mirror and think nothing.

Before my mission it was bad. I was way too hard on myself and cried almost everyday because I thought I was ugly. I tried too hard to look like the "world" I always wore makeup, bought many clothes to stay in style. I tried to look "perfect." But with all that effort, I found myself in a deep hole of insecurities. I especially compared myself to every girl I saw whether it was on social media or around me. I thought everyone else was so beautiful and way better than I would ever be. I'm honestly not very good at things such as sports, art, music, and creativity. I do love trying in all those things, but only when it's for fun.

It was hard for me to make decisions, and try new things because I'd tell myself that, "I can't", "I would suck", "I'm not good at anything", "you will fail." So for a long time I would pass up opportunities that I probably would have been good at but I let my negative mind take over and decide for me. My decision to go on a mission was a big battle. I of course got all these terrible thoughts of how bad of a missionary I'd be because I was too "stupid." But I was able to push through those and go. It was the best thing for me.

As time went by in my mission, I started to notice a difference. I stopped comparing myself, I stopped trying too hard, wore less makeup, definitely stopped caring about my style, and I stopped thinking I was ugly. It got to the point that when I looked in the mirror I didn't have negative thoughts, and wished I looked like someone else. I was truly happy with myself, and loved my mission.

When I got home I was hoping that I would continue to progress in how I thought of myself. It stayed for a bit, but I honestly still struggle with it. As months went by I noticed that my thoughts were inching closer to how I thought before my mission. I started to compare myself to everyone again, I did not feel good enough. I started to workout and go to the gym and being at the gym seeing all those "perfect" fit girls made me feel horrible. Because I let my negative thoughts control my mind it started to ruin me. I love going to the gym, but because of what I struggle with I didn't think I was good/pretty/fit enough.

I started to realize that this was obviously a problem. I don't like thinking that way. It does not make me happy. Those terrible things in my head are not true. I am beautiful, and I can do anything that I set my mind to. I may not be naturally good at many things, but I can practice, work hard, and get good.

I started to do many things to help me. Because my brain is used to thinking negatively I need to train it to replace those bad thoughts and change them to positive ones. This is silly, but every time I look in the mirror I will tell myself that I am beautiful out loud. You feel awkward at first, but it works! I have quotes in my room reminding me of all the good that I am inside and out. I read them everyday. I have a "grateful journal" I try to write a few things that I'm grateful for everyday. I try really hard to say my daily prayers and ask for strength that day. I also try to remember to read my scriptures everyday. Every single time a negative thought pops in my head I replace it with a positive thought (even if I do not believe it at the time). By doing all these things have seriously helped me. I am happier, and am slowly training my brain to think positively. I am progressing, and I feel awesome!

I'm so excited for my progress, and I am much happier. I hope this helps those out there who can relate. You are Beautiful, stronger than you think, and you CAN do anything. Get those negative thoughts out of your head and live a happy life. You will not regret it!

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear from you guys, and get more ideas that helps you feel good! I'm still working on it, so if you have any tips, please let me know :)

Love,

Anjellica xoxo