Cinderella

This is a continuation of my last post, "The Cell". If you haven't read it, go check it out so you can understand what's going on with this blog :).

This is my experience with being bullied, and beaten down emotionally. And how I was also able to find light in an even darker place.

I was now living with my aunt, and her kids. I was so excited; I thought I was heading towards the right way of finally having a good family. It was honestly not bad until after a few months. I was happy.

My aunt had two selfish/unkind kids who were always so evil to me. They would tell me everyday how ugly and worthless I was. Anything they did wrong they'd blamed it on me, and in my aunt's eyes they were "angels" so of course no matter what I'd say I would be at fault.

I noticed that my aunt would never do anything about her kids bullying me. She sometimes would laugh with them. Eventually she became the biggest bully of all.

She made it her goal to make my life a living hell. She would tell me all the time that I was never going to be successful because I was going to turn out like my mom since it was "in my blood". She was very strict with me. She hardly ever let me out of the house. She would time me on how long it took me to get home after school. It was about a ten-minute walk home, and if I passed ten minutes, she'd accuse me of doing drugs or having sex with guys.

As time went by, the abuse worsened. I heard the same things everyday. "you're ugly", "no one will ever love you", "you're going to be like your mom", "you're worthless", "no boy will want you", "you're an alcoholic/drug addict", "you're stupid", "you will never be good enough". Hearing those things so often I believed it.

When I turned 12, she told me that I needed to learn how to be a woman. So she would have me clean the whole house and cook for everyone. Her kids took advantage of that and started calling me their servant or "Cinderella." Cooking and cleaning for them became my daily life.

Through those years of abuse, for whatever reason, I could never stand up for myself. I never fought back. I cried myself to sleep every single night. I hated my life. There were many times that I wished I was still with my mom because I'd rather get hit than feel so worthless. I didn't have hope for anything better. I thought I'd never find happiness and I'd be stuck in this hell forever.

When I was 15 years old, my mom had another baby. For obvious reasons she couldn't keep him, so he came to live with us. My aunt told me if I didn't take care of him, she was going to put him in foster care. He was my little brother so of course, I gladly took him in as my own. I fed him, clothed him, changed his diapers, and carried him around with me everywhere. I always wondered what the town thought. I was certain they thought that he was my child and at the tender age of just 15, he basically was. Despite this however he became my best friend. The only light I had. He was the cutest blonde hair blue-eyed boy.

For a long time, I had tried to come up with ways to run away from my aunts, but since I had my brother that stopped that dream. There was no way I was going to leave my brother with that witch of a woman.

I tried so hard to stay strong for my brother. But there was only so much I could handle. Having to deal with years of emotional abuse, and trying to be positive through it was so hard.

Because of how depressed I was, suicide was on my mind constantly. I was always too scared to harm myself but one day couldn't take it anymore. I was 16 years old, and this was a dark day for me--where I let my anger/hurt get the best of me. I convinced myself that my life would never get better and that ending my life would be so much easier. That would be my only escape out of the never-ending pit I was in. I took a handful of prescription pills with the hope that would save me. I remember after a little bit my body began to feel really heavy. I couldn't move. It felt like I was paralyzed. And I started to panic. I started to regret taking those pills. What was I thinking? I didn't want to die! What about my brother?! Soon after everything went black, and I passed out. I woke up about 14 hours later in the same spot. I instantly started to happy-cry because I was so grateful that I was alive.

I started to realize that I had to get out of there. I couldn't take it anymore. So, I finally stood up for myself and told my aunt that I wanted to move out. And to my surprise, she said I could move out, but I had to live with her bestfriend.

I was nervous because my aunt would lie and tell everyone she knew that I was this horrible kid who did drugs and had sex with tons of guys. And how I was so disrespectful, and never listened. Everyone believed her, of course, because who would think that a grown normal-looking woman would lie about such a thing?

I was so proud for finally sticking up for myself. This was it!! My escape! I could live in peace, and not have to deal with being bullied all the time!

Again the question, what did I do to deserve going through so much pain rang in my head. I thought I was free after I left my mom. Why did it have to get worse?? What did I do to deserve this? I had to again change my perspective, and realize that I was never going to be like my mom or my aunt. Those were more experiences to help me try to be better.

I believe anything is possible if you try your best everyday to achieve any goal. My goal for my whole life has been to be different from my family. Never be a bully or an addict.

If you have ever been bullied and felt so worthless; try to turn those experiences into a brighter future. Look at the situation and realize how great and beautiful you truly are. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let negativity rule your life. Don't let your mind believe those things. Strive daily to love yourself, and fight against abuse. Be a light in this dark world.

I am so excited to get married because I truly did live a "Cinderella" life. And in the story she met a guy who adored her and made her feel like she has worth. I found that as well. My soon to be husband is my best friend, and makes me feel beautiful.

Next week I am going to share how two LDS missionaries knocked on my door and changed my life forever.

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Anjelli